The Crudian Incident

Have you witnessed any strangely sized objects in Norwich?

You may have thought you were seeing things. At first this was thought to be a hoax, however, a disturbing truth has been revealed thanks to UEA professor, Dr Edgar Banks and his team.

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Dr. Edgar Banks

Recently a substantial amount of Crudian has been disposed of into the sewers of Norwich. Normally this wouldn’t be an issue, however, due to the large quantity it has begun to take an effect on the city. If you are unfamiliar with Crudian, it is a byproduct of the creation of the combination of Chromium and Iridium. The properties of the material make it incredibly problematic due to the fact that objects often absorb the matter in the way that a sponge absorbs water. Therefore, the objects that can be seen in the photographs below have increased in size due to being saturated with the Crudian. Dr Edgar Banks has announced that the material is not harmful to humans and the material with be removed from the streets of Norwich within the month. Dr Banks left us with this comment:

“Due to element compounds Crudian is able to saturate objects and other materials allowing them to expand on a molecular level. This is what is causing this phenomena. I have monitored some expanding objects and they do not seem to be growing any larger.”

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Local student amazed at size of telephone box

This phone booth has grown from its original size 8ft 3 inches to 16ft 6 inches.

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Norwich City Council Tower

Norwich city hall’s famous tower which is usually 63 metres tall has now grown to an astonishingly 160 metres. Inexplicably the rest of the building has retained its normal size.  

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The oversized cone in Duke Street

This seemingly normal traffic cone has grown to be only slightly larger than usual, this could suggest that the larger the object, the more Crudian it absorbs.

Dr Banks has advised that if you see an object that has been effected by Crudian you call the relevant authorities so that the situation be monitored and resolved quickly and efficiently.

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